Pokémon Black and White introduced players to a fifth generation of Pokémon, bringing the complete number of pocket monsters to just beneath a billion. With numerous Pokémon available, how is a coach supposed to know which ones would be the best? Simple: I’m going to let you know which ones would be the best. So grab a pen and some paper — you’re going to want to take notes.

I’m clearly a Pokémon specialist, as evident by my stunning analysis of some of the newest Pokémon from the Black and White. But because I have yet to perform Model two, I asked my fellow editor Kyle to give me his picks of the best Generation V Pokémon, so that I might supply my professional evaluation of these to your edification. However, it did not take me long to understand that his selections are all horrible, therefore after analyzing his pitiful lineup, I am also supplying what are obviously the real best Gen V Pokémon.

Pignite

Kyle explained Tepig was his starter Pokémon, so I am guessing he thinks Pignite is amazing due to his own silly, sentimental attachment. There are just two issues with this. First, Oshawott is clearly the best starting Pokémon from B&W (though Tepig is still superior than that snooty jerkbag Snivy). Second, why can he pick Pignite and not Emboar? He probably was not great enough to evolve his Pignite to its final form. No matter Pignite remains pretty great.
Official Pokémon Rating (as determined by me): 5

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Watchog

I already made fun of Watchog in my previous analysis — specifically, I questioned just how good of a watch Watchog could be if he got captured by a trainer at the first location. Especially Kyle! Watchog does seem incredibly pissed off, however, so he could probably bully weenie Pokémon such as Deerling.

I’m seriously starting to question Kyle’s Pokémon-choosing abilities. Herdier is not a Pokémon. He’s a Scottish soldier. Guess what happens in the event that you try and make a few Scottish Terriers battle each other? You go to jail for dog fighting, that is what. I am calling the ASPCA, Kyle!

Tirtouga ends up being better than many of Kyle’s options, but I have to wonder: Why do we need another turtle Pokémon once we’ve already obtained Squirtle? I get this Tirtouga is a Water/Rock hybrid Pokémon, but it still looks like he’s horning in on Squirtle’s game, also Squirtle is straight up O.G. — that I certainly wouldn’t mess together.

Kyle obviously did not read my past Pokémon analysis, because Musharna is yet another disturbing choice I already took to work. This is what I mentioned before:

“My God, this Pokémon is still a fetus! What type of sicko is going to generate a fetus fight?”

Certainly we now have the response: Kyle is that kind of sicko.
Official Pokémon Rating: 0

Coming Up : Longer poor choices by Kyle…

Solosis

What’s with Kyle’s obsession with all Pokémon who have not had a chance to completely kind yet? I believe that it’s clear what’s going on here: Kyle isn’t very good at Pokémon, so he picks the weakest creatures he can find in order to get an excuse when he or she wins. In that way, Solosis is a wonderful choice.
Official Pokémon Rating: 0
Official Pokémon Rating For Men and Women Who Wish To Reduce 10

Yamask

Yamask? More like Yakiddingme? This Pokémon’s whole persona is built around its mask, which it just holds with its own tail. What do Yamasks do with their own masks? According to the Pokédex,”Occasionally they examine it and cry.” That does not sound helpful in any way! Yamasks are much worse compared to evolved form, Cofagrigus, which we all know is just a sarcophagus with wacky arms and legs.

I have zero issue with this pick.
Official Pokémon Rating: 10

Deino

Apparently, Deino believes he is a member of The Beatles. I never thought I would sort this sentence, yet this dragon should get a haircut. However, a mop-top dragon is still technically a dragon, which he has that going for him. Also, Deino is a Dark/Dragon hybrid, which is far better compared to a Rainbow/Dragon hybrid, or Candycorn/Dragon hybridvehicle, or anything other stupid Pokémon kinds you can find. However, Deino can finally evolve to Hydreigon, in which time his front legs become two more heads.
Official Pokémon Rating: Quicker Than Hydreigon

Beartic

Hey, what do you understand? Kyle finally chose a trendy Pokémon! Granteda blindfolded monkey could’ve chosen better Pokémon compared to just my fellow editor did, yet this choice (almost) makes up for it. Beartic is categorized as a Freezing Pokémon, who’s actually made out of ice, and his degree one skill is named Superpower. That’s correct, Beartic begins with Superpower.

More than anything else, I’m just impressed that Kyle did not pick Beartic’s unevolved form, Cubchoo (the snot-dripping teddy on the best ).
Official Pokémon Rating: 9

Now that we’ve suffered through Kyle’s horrendous picks, let us look at what are actually the best Pokémon of Black and White Model 2, as picked by an expert…

The Actual Greatest Pokémon:

Samurott

I wasn’t kidding when I stated Oshawott was the clear choice for a beginning Pokémon, and Samurott is the reason . Oshawott’s goofy seashell (which kind of seems like a wang to me) even evolves to awesome Shell Armor, as well as judging by Samurott’s pecs, this Pokémon is ripped. Need further proof? Samurott’s species has been listed as Formidable Pokémon. ’nuff said.
Official Pokémon Rating: 10

Simisage

He has got an Elvis-like coif, a barbed tail he attacks his opponents with, and big, humorous monkey ears. In addition, he has an ability called gluttony — like Kevin Spacey in Seven. Simisage is really cool that he’s giving himself that the thumbs-up, that will be well deserved.

I’m pretty certain Gurdurr is the most powerful Pokémon in all of Pokéworld. It is classified as a Pokémon, it’s a Fighting-type Pokémon, also its skills are Guts, Sheer Force, and Iron Fist. Also, it’s holding a steal beam over its head! Look at all of its bulging muscles Gurdurr is so powerful it’s kind of gross. If you need more evidence, the Pokédex clarifies Gurdurr as follows:

“This Pokémon is really muscular and firmly built that a bunch of wrestlers couldn’t make it budge an inch.”

Let’s see your Musharna stand around that, Kyle.

I didn’t even know Pokémon wear clothes, however Throh is wearing a gi, and he is a black belt to boot. Like Gurdurr, Throh is additionally a straight-up Fighting-type Pokémon, along with his species is Judo Pokémon. Throhs are so strong they don’t even evolve — that’s right, not evolution can enhance them.

Like I said, I’ve absolutely no issue with this pick. Minccino is cute!

Coming Up : Five More Amazing Pokémon…

Darmanitan

Here’s another heavy hitter that Kyle completely passed upward. Darmanitan is classified as a Blazing Pokémon, which explains why its eyebrows are on fire. As if a fire ape isn’t scary enough, here is Darmanitan’s Pokédex description:

“Its internal fire burns at 2,500º F, making enough power it can ruin a dump truck with one punch.”

2,500º F will be the melting point of steel. Steel. Not the Terminator can resist molten steel! Now that’s a Pokémon!

If you ever ran into a Galvantula, you might just dismiss it like a semi-creepy pest infestation. It would be the last mistake you ever make; as soon as you turned around, it could take electrical webs from its fangs to jolt you into submission. Then it’d eat you. Do not think me that Nintendo would accept this kind of menacing Pokémon? On the Pokédex entry:

“They use a electrically charged web to snare their prey. While it’s immobilized by shock, they consume it.”

Notice, Galvantula does not just consume its own foes — it consumes themlike it’s no big thing. Even a Xenomorph would shudder and run away from one of these things.
Official Pokémon Rating: 10

Golurk

Let us be fair: Golurk is basically The Iron Giant, by that one movie whose name I can not remember. It might not be that original, but that doesn’t make Golurk any less badass. Golurk is categorized as an Automaton Pokémon — for those who don’t understand,”Automaton” is Latin for”Giant robot that kills everything in its course.” Its Pokédex entrance makes it seem even cooler:

“It flies across the sky at Mach speeds. Taking away the seal on its chest makes its internal energy go out of control.”

Which of Kyle’s Pokémon Would like to go up against this?

This robot bug might not look as scary as some of the other Pokémon with this list, but he has quite the backstory. Genesect is a Paleozoic Pokémon that was initially alive 300 million decades ago, when it was”feared since the strongest of hunters,” in accordance with the Pokédex. Subsequently it was resurrected by Team Plasma, making it much more powerful by including a cannon to its rear. Quick side note: should you ever decide to utilize science to revive an ancient being dreaded for its unparalleled searching abilities, don’t offer this kind of cannon.

Predictably, Genesect broke out of the lab and hasn’t been seen again. To make things worse, its cannon can be equipped with four different drives, endowing it with the forces of all four elemental kinds of regular Pokémon.

No one knows the story behind Genesect’s title; fans believe it means”genesis insect” or”genetic bug.” I’ve got my own theory: In Japanesethis terrifying monster is really known as Genosect — I’m guessing the real significance of its title is”genocide bug.”
Official Pokémon Rating: Genocide Bug

Thundurus

There’s not much to say, besides that Thundurus ain’t screwing around. Thundurus is a mythical Pokémon, and can be categorized as a Bolt Strike Pokémon. . .Okay, I really don’t know about this last one, but the others are pretty cool.